


scared of the life that's inside her

by toitsantiago



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Marriage, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, mentions of unprotected sex, they aint married yall sorry, tis the only way this wouldve worked to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toitsantiago/pseuds/toitsantiago
Summary: taken from a prompt; "I'm keeping the baby, with or without you."title from Used To Be Mine from the musical Waitress whoop





	scared of the life that's inside her

Amy let a long breath out through pursed lips, tapping the test against her palm as she paced the small bathroom. She stopped for a moment, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her dark hair messily hanging from her bun, under eyes dark and puffy with leftover mascara. She took a deep breath and looked down at the test in her hand. PREGNANT in bold electronic letters, more tests sprawled along the counter. Plus signs, double lines, $1 tests to $10 tests. Every single one, positive. 

“Dammit, Amy,” she muttered to herself, “you idiot.” How was she going to have time for this? For a baby? She was about to take her sergeants exam, she arrested violent criminals for a living. That was no healthy activity for a baby. A_ baby. _

_ How am I going to tell Jake? _The thought hit her and she gasped. “I have to tell Jake.” He'd be there any minute.

Her stomach felt like it was twisting and turning, and her vision seemed to blur. She was unsure if it was the tears, mascara, or the general lightheaded feeling she’d felt since the moment she realized she was late. 

Amy Santiago has never been late. For anything. Ever.

And now, her first time being late, it was from a stupid moment of neglect on her part. 

“Stupid Amy,” she felt her voice rasping in the back of her throat as she spoke to herself. “Everyone knows to use condoms when you’re on antibiotics. It cancels out the pill.”

She heard her doorbell and jumped, nearly dropping the blue and white stick in her hands. “Fuck,” she cursed, opening the drawer and cramming all the tests in. She looked at herself in the mirror again, her eyes glassy, her skin pale. How was this happening? How could she let this happen?  
Her phone vibrated against the counter, Jake’s smiling face flashing on the screen. She took a deep breath and answered. “Hello?”

_ “Babe, I rang the doorbell. I’d let myself in but I might have accidentally left my key inside,” _ Jake chuckled. 

He in fact had left his key. Amy found it almost immediately and had hung it on the key holder by the door. 

“Sorry, I'll let you in,” Amy rasped. She hung up the phone, walking to the front door in no particular hurry.

* * *

As she reached for the doorknob, she noticed her hand shaking. She took a deep breath and bit her lip as she opened the door. 

There Jake stood, a grocery bag in hand. He smiled a dopey smile at her. “I brought you crackers and ginger ale,” he reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of orange soda, “and orange for me.”

Amy smiled softly and moved to let him in. Jake immediately went to the small kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. “Do you want anything right now?”

He was too kind. Right now. But Amy knew that whenever she told him, it wouldn’t be ideal.

She shook her head softly. “Can we just sit down,” she looked down at her feet, anxiously picking at the skin around her nails, “and I don’t know...talk…”

Jake’s eyebrows knitted together, “uh, yeah of course, Ames. Whatever you want.” He came closer to her, pulling her hand into his, “are you alright?”

Amy shrugged, still not looking up at him, “I-I don’t really know.”

“You’re not breaking up with me, right?” His voice was stressed, cracking slightly.

Amy shook her head, “no, of course not, just ...sit down.” She motioned towards the small table. Jake nodded, letting go of her hands and taking a seat nervously at the table.

Amy avoided eye contact, “I’ll um, I’ll be right back,” running to the bathroom before he could say anything. 

She yanked the drawer open, grabbing a handful of tests, before closing it. Her heart was beating so hard, she felt like she was choking on it. She closed her eyes, breathing through her nose slowly. She hid her hand behind her back, walking back out to the kitchen and sitting next to Jake. Jake was now nervously tapping his fingers on the wooden table. Amy felt mildly guilty for stressing him out, but this affected both of them, not just her. Not just him.

Amy took a deep breath before carefully setting the 4 tests on the table in front of them. Jake’s tapping stopped. Amy held her breath, waiting for him to say something. Anything. 

It was silent for a few moments before she heard him say, “a-are you sure?”

“I have a drawer full of more positives,” her voice was strained, small. Something Jake had never heard before.

She heard him curse, burying his face in his hands. Amy was so far outside of herself, she hadn’t even realized she was starting to cry. “I don’t want to be a dad, I don’t want to be a dad,” she winced as she heard Jake mumbling those words to himself, over and over.

* * *

It hurt. So bad.

Maybe it was an accident, a result of negligence. But it was both of them. Together. In one bundle of cells. 

Amy felt her voice breaking as she spoke, “maybe you don’t want to be a d-dad, but I’m keeping it, with or without you...so if that’s the choice y-you want to make, fine. But that’s n-not the choice I-I’m making.”

Jake pulled his hands from his face, looking at her. Amy and her out of character hair, her flushing face, her weeping eyes, quivering lip. Her face was a mixture of angry Amy, scared Amy, sad Amy, hurt Amy. Jake wasn’t sure which hurt more. 

His hands reached for hers, squeezing them. “Hey, hey no! No, Ames, please,” his voice was gentle, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on her hands. “That’s not what I meant, please, baby….I’m just...confused, and shocked, and scared. How’d this even happen? You’re on the pill?”

Amy sniffled, “r-remember I h-had a s-sinus infection...I had to take a-antibiotics.”

“And?”

“That m-makes the hormones not w-work.”

Jake’s mouth fell to a silent O shape. 

Amy sniffled again, “s-so, are you leaving? You’re mad, aren’t you? God, I’m s-so s-stupid!” Her body shook with a cry.

Jake scooted his chair closer, wrapping his arms around her, “hey, I said that’s not what I meant, Amy. You’ve gotta believe me. I’m blindsided, sure. This isn’t what we pictured. I don’t want to be MY dad. If this the choice you want to make, if you want to keep the pregnancy, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed a gentle kiss into her messy hair. “Maybe we’re doing it a little off the Santiago schedule, but, you always wanted to be a mom, right?”

Amy nodded, rubbing her nose on the back of her sleeve, looking up at Jake for the first time, “so, we’re doing this?”

Jake looked at her, a nervous, but comforting smile on his face, “yeah, we’re gonna have a baby. And name it John McClane...boy or girl...or whoever they are, we don’t know!”

Amy groaned, fighting off a laugh, “we aren’t naming the baby John McClane, Jake!”

Jake laughed, “fine...we have a while to talk about it. You’ll come around.”

Amy smiled at him, leaning up and kissing him. 

He was right. This was off Santiago schedule. So far off. But, better early than late. And better late than never.


End file.
